You Are Not Your Thoughts—or Even Your Feelings

The Story That Runs Away With You

It happens in seconds. A friend doesn’t reply to your text. Your mind whispers, Did I say something wrong? Minutes later, you’re scrolling through past conversations, certain they’re upset with you. An hour passes and your mood tanks. Then—ping—they text back: “Sorry, was in a meeting. Want to grab dinner?”

Your mind had built a whole drama. Your body had played along. But none of it was real.

This is the trap: we confuse thoughts with truth and feelings with commands. We mistake what passes through us for who we are.

Here’s the shift: you are not your thoughts or your feelings. You are the one who notices them. And the gap between noticing and reacting—that’s where freedom lives.

The Big Idea: Identity vs. Mental Weather

Think of the sky. Thoughts and feelings are weather—clouds, storms, breezes. Sometimes they’re beautiful; sometimes they’re brutal. But the sky is not the weather. It’s the space that holds it.

In the same way, you are the awareness that notices mental events. When you learn to stand in that awareness, storms lose their power to sweep you away.

This is not about suppressing emotions or forcing positivity. It’s about clarity: seeing thoughts as sentences in the mind, feelings as signals in the body, and yourself as the observer who chooses what comes next.

How Thoughts Trick You

Our brains are built to predict and protect. That’s why thoughts often sound urgent and absolute.

Common traps:

• Catastrophe loop: A single mistake means career collapse.
• Mind-reading: You assume you know what others think.
• All-or-nothing: If it’s not perfect, it’s worthless.

These thoughts feel true because they come with body sensations—tight chest, racing heart—that lend credibility. But a thought is not a fact. It’s just a mental event.

A simple trick: add the phrase “I’m having the thought that…” before the sentence.

• Instead of “I’m terrible at this,” try “I’m having the thought that I’m terrible at this.”
  Notice the shift. Distance opens. The story softens.

How Feelings Work

Feelings are information. They are not instructions.

• Anger may point to a boundary.
• Anxiety may point to uncertainty.
• Sadness may point to loss or longing.

But feelings don’t dictate your actions—you do. Naming them accurately is one of the fastest ways to reduce their grip. Neuroscientists call this affect labeling: turning “I feel bad”“I feel bad” into ““ I feel tense and disappointed.” Precision calms the nervous system and clarifies what you need.

Think of feelings as dashboard lights. They tell you something is happening, but you decide whether to pull over, keep driving, or call for help.

Three Misunderstandings to Drop

1. This is not suppression. You don’t push feelings away. You name them and give them space.
2. This is not detachment. You still care deeply—you’re just not hijacked by every mental ripple.
3. This is not about control. It’s about relationship. You partner with your mind and body, instead of being ruled by them.

Simple Practices That Change Everything

Here are tools you can try today:

1. Name the Story Catch recurring loops (“I’m always behind”). Label them: “This is the ‘always behind’ story.” Thank your mind for trying to protect you, then return to the task.

2. RAIN for Hot Emotions

• Recognize: “Frustration is here.”
• Allow: “It’s okay that it’s here.”
• Investigate: Where in the body? What value is touched?
• Nurture: Offer kindness: “This is hard, and I’m with you.”

3. The 10-Second Reset Pause before sending an email or reply. Exhale. Ask: “What’s my aim right now?” Choose the next sentence that serves that aim—nothing more.

4. Micro-Check-Ins Once an hour, silently name one thought and one feeling. “Planning, restless.” This keeps you in observer mode.

Where This Matters Most

• In leadership:

• Instead of snapping in a meeting, you notice irritation, pause, and choose clarity over reactivity.

• In creativity:

• Instead of believing “This idea is stupid,” you note it as a thought and keep drafting.

• In relationships:

• Instead of fusing with jealousy, you name the feeling, understand the need beneath it, and communicate more clearly.

Real power is not in never feeling, but in never confusing feelings with self.

When to Get Extra Support

If thoughts and feelings feel overwhelming—persistent anxiety, depression, hopelessness—self-coaching isn’t enough. Reach out to a therapist, counselor, or support line. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

The Takeaway

Thoughts will keep thinking. Feelings will keep flowing. That’s life. But you are not the weather inside—you are the sky that holds it.

Try this experiment for one week: once a day, pause when a strong thought or feeling shows up. Say, “I’m noticing…I’m noticing…” Then choose one action aligned with your values, not your storm.

Little by little, you’ll see: clarity is possible. Choice is possible. Freedom is closer than you think.